turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
