the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
