my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
