Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize