dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
