i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
