It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
