I'm eating all of the evidence.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
