I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize