The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
