Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize