we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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