btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize