i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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