Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I party with great urgency now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
