Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
