That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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