All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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