do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize