Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Houston, we have a squirter
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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