life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
