If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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