So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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