Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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