gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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