if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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