omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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