I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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