Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize