Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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