Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
