just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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