I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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