just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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