I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
