I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
