thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize