Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
