Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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