Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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