I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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