thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
