I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
