Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
