Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
