Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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