I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
