Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
