she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
