I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
