So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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