Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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