He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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