It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
