i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Two words: nipple clamps
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