I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize