the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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