If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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