Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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