and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ladies don't puke and tell
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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