are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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