I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
