everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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