dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
