He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
