glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
